The Cleveland Curse?
"Women who claim to love sports will be treated as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the game. Bonus points will be rewarded for the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean." -Rules for Men, Rule Number 3.
Kellen Winslow Jr. is just another Cleveland first round draft pick that still hasn’t produced. Last year, he suffered a broken leg on special teams when he went for an on-side kick. On Sunday, he injured himself in a parking lot trying to teach him self how to ride a Suzuki motorcycle. He is just another player in a line of Cleveland Browns first round draft picks that never came close to their potential.
Tim Couch: Cut last year and picked up by the Green Bay Packers, in hopes that he could be the next heir to Bret Farve. He was cut there too—I believe he’s now retired.
Courtney Brown: Injured constantly and has yet to play a complete season, and he too was cut and he signed with the Broncos in hopes of reinventing his career.
Gerrard Warren: Traded for fourth round draft pick, along with Michael Myers and Ebenezer Ekuban [who I’m sad to see go because I love saying his name: Ebenezer Ekuban].
William Green: After DUI and marijuana possession charges, is now third on the depth chart looking to be traded out of Cleveland. All these other players are at least taking drugs to make them stronger or faster, this guy takes drugs to make him play shitter.
Being a Cleveland fan is tough. I think it’s more difficult than being a Chicago Cubs fan or being a Red Sox fan. Yes—the Cubs have “The Goat Curse” and up until last year the Bo Sox had “The Curse of the Bambino,” but both cities have had teams that have won some type of championship in the last twenty years. In Chicago, they had Michael Jordan, who beat a talented Cavalier team that consisted of: Brad Daugherty, Larry Nance, Mark Price, “Hot Rod” Williams, Ron Harper, and Craig Ehlo, who he shot over clinching the 1989 play-offs. Then they went on to win 6 championships. In Boston, not only did they “reverse the curse” by beating the Yankees and the Cardinals, they have won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years. I think Cleveland showed be the new romantic underdog.
On Sundays, my mother and I watch Cleveland Browns football. She won’t watch college. “They’re just kids. The scores are so high, and who wants to watch a blowout—that’s not fun.” She’s loyal to Cleveland football—even when the Browns left Cleveland, she stopped watching football from 1996 to 1999, until they came back as an expansion team. She’ll be the first one to tell you that Baltimore is not “The Old Cleveland Browns,” and she’ll be the first one to talk shit about the Pittsburgh Steelers. She hates their head coach, Bill Cowher. “He’s ugly,” she says, “and when he talks, he spits—I hate him.” The way she talks about him, you’d think he robbed her of 2.2 billion dollars.
At my uncle’s house, my father and his adopted brothers would watch Cleveland Browns football. Most of them didn’t care for the sport—most had money on this game and the 13 others later that day and tomorrow night. The other women were there because their husbands were, but my mother was there for the game. She’d always watch, no matter if they were in the play-offs against Denver or if they were 4-12, competing for the worst record in the league. She would still watch, and on Sundays—she taught me how to appreciate the game.
1. Bernie Kosar’s ugly side arm throws.
2. Earnest Byner’s last second fumble in the endzone.
3. John Elway’s 92 yard drive against Cleveland, the AFC’s best defense that rushed 3-men down because both its cornerbacks were Pro Bowl starters.
4. Always losing to Denver in the play-offs.
5. Team leaves the city.
6. Team comes back after 3 year city campaign.
7. Three different head coaches in 5 years.
8. Passing on Donavon McNabb, Daunte Culpepper, Lavar Arrington, Jamal Lewis, Brian Urlacher, John Abraham, LaDanian Tomilinson, Deuce McAllister, Chad Johnson, and Steve Smith for Tim Couch, Courtney Brown Gerrard Warren all first round draft picks that failed in just their first four years.
9. And Bill Belichick, ex-coach, now in New England, who won 3 Super Bowls titles.
She taught me to appreciate all this—it’s part of the game, the romantic tragedy, the NFL soap opera that makes the wins valuable. “It’s easy to win games to everything goes your way, when you have the best players” she says, “but when you fight back from a bad position, with all right players—only then will a win means something, because it had to claw its way from a near loss to clean victory.”
Kellen Winslow Jr. is just another Cleveland first round draft pick that still hasn’t produced. Last year, he suffered a broken leg on special teams when he went for an on-side kick. On Sunday, he injured himself in a parking lot trying to teach him self how to ride a Suzuki motorcycle. He is just another player in a line of Cleveland Browns first round draft picks that never came close to their potential.
Tim Couch: Cut last year and picked up by the Green Bay Packers, in hopes that he could be the next heir to Bret Farve. He was cut there too—I believe he’s now retired.
Courtney Brown: Injured constantly and has yet to play a complete season, and he too was cut and he signed with the Broncos in hopes of reinventing his career.
Gerrard Warren: Traded for fourth round draft pick, along with Michael Myers and Ebenezer Ekuban [who I’m sad to see go because I love saying his name: Ebenezer Ekuban].
William Green: After DUI and marijuana possession charges, is now third on the depth chart looking to be traded out of Cleveland. All these other players are at least taking drugs to make them stronger or faster, this guy takes drugs to make him play shitter.
Being a Cleveland fan is tough. I think it’s more difficult than being a Chicago Cubs fan or being a Red Sox fan. Yes—the Cubs have “The Goat Curse” and up until last year the Bo Sox had “The Curse of the Bambino,” but both cities have had teams that have won some type of championship in the last twenty years. In Chicago, they had Michael Jordan, who beat a talented Cavalier team that consisted of: Brad Daugherty, Larry Nance, Mark Price, “Hot Rod” Williams, Ron Harper, and Craig Ehlo, who he shot over clinching the 1989 play-offs. Then they went on to win 6 championships. In Boston, not only did they “reverse the curse” by beating the Yankees and the Cardinals, they have won 3 Super Bowls in 4 years. I think Cleveland showed be the new romantic underdog.
On Sundays, my mother and I watch Cleveland Browns football. She won’t watch college. “They’re just kids. The scores are so high, and who wants to watch a blowout—that’s not fun.” She’s loyal to Cleveland football—even when the Browns left Cleveland, she stopped watching football from 1996 to 1999, until they came back as an expansion team. She’ll be the first one to tell you that Baltimore is not “The Old Cleveland Browns,” and she’ll be the first one to talk shit about the Pittsburgh Steelers. She hates their head coach, Bill Cowher. “He’s ugly,” she says, “and when he talks, he spits—I hate him.” The way she talks about him, you’d think he robbed her of 2.2 billion dollars.
At my uncle’s house, my father and his adopted brothers would watch Cleveland Browns football. Most of them didn’t care for the sport—most had money on this game and the 13 others later that day and tomorrow night. The other women were there because their husbands were, but my mother was there for the game. She’d always watch, no matter if they were in the play-offs against Denver or if they were 4-12, competing for the worst record in the league. She would still watch, and on Sundays—she taught me how to appreciate the game.
1. Bernie Kosar’s ugly side arm throws.
2. Earnest Byner’s last second fumble in the endzone.
3. John Elway’s 92 yard drive against Cleveland, the AFC’s best defense that rushed 3-men down because both its cornerbacks were Pro Bowl starters.
4. Always losing to Denver in the play-offs.
5. Team leaves the city.
6. Team comes back after 3 year city campaign.
7. Three different head coaches in 5 years.
8. Passing on Donavon McNabb, Daunte Culpepper, Lavar Arrington, Jamal Lewis, Brian Urlacher, John Abraham, LaDanian Tomilinson, Deuce McAllister, Chad Johnson, and Steve Smith for Tim Couch, Courtney Brown Gerrard Warren all first round draft picks that failed in just their first four years.
9. And Bill Belichick, ex-coach, now in New England, who won 3 Super Bowls titles.
She taught me to appreciate all this—it’s part of the game, the romantic tragedy, the NFL soap opera that makes the wins valuable. “It’s easy to win games to everything goes your way, when you have the best players” she says, “but when you fight back from a bad position, with all right players—only then will a win means something, because it had to claw its way from a near loss to clean victory.”
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