My Posts Are Getting Weirder
At the Fourth of July party, I told a girl, “If artists didn’t have art as an excuse for why they watch people, we’d all be perverts.”
I’m trying to understand myself better. I’m completely fascinated by other people’s lives; listening to their heartbreak, trials, sins, tragedies, and secrets. It was why I started watching “Diaries of An Affair,” where couples [with the aid of friends, lovers, and reenactments] would discuss the affair. I’m not interested in the actual affair--usually they’re boring, it’s the process of how these people got to this point, and who the other parties involved were affected. I love the story behind it. There’s a sense of empowerment for now knowing; a bizarre trust, because you are now part of a secret; a bond, because you know feel like you know a private side to a person.
With this insight, I can almost see the appeal of the priesthood [outside of no sex]--but the notion of looking at your congregation and knowing them more intimately than their own husband or wife, better than they know themselves, is exciting. The norm is to “know people” from what their actions and statements, but to “know a person” through their fears and guilt is a new perspective, concept, at least for myself.
My friend, who of late has enlightened me on the world, has been amazing me with this idea that we are just the sum of our secrets. And even the greatest seem so small when measured against what we don’t want others to know. She pointed out a couple of key searches she did. One being on “Forgiveness” and the other being “Confession” which lead me to this site [http://www.notproud.com/confessed.php] and below are posted testimonials. They could be real. They could be fake; but you can’t help but pity them in someway.
Testimonial 1:
One of the very few problems with being sober is that you no longer get yourself into compromising situations. This is undoubtedly better the next day and in the long run, but it keeps things from happening. I am married, in my fifties, and have an adequate sex-life with my wife. I do not screw around. But we have several friends - women of the same age more or less - who have no sex life at all because of divorce, inattentive husbands or whatever. We are all very close and hug, but it never goes beyond that and never will. I sometimes have a fantasy that they end up in bed with my wife and I. But the only way this could happen would be with lots of alcohol - and that is no longer an option.
Testimonial 2:
I was at my best friend’s BBQ over the weekend and his 23 year old cousin was there. She's an addict and was jonesing big time. I told her I'd give her some vicodins if she blew me and she did.
Testimonial 3:
My husband has filed for divorce but I still love him and have gotten a new screen name that he thinks is someone else just so I can talk to him and find out if he still loves me at all. The person I am with this new screen name he really does like, and other than the location, name, and birth date, it'’s all me... the way I feel, the things I like to do... I just don't know what I'm going to do if he falls in love with my alter ego, and finds out it's me... I think he may hate me forever
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, July 5 at 4:37 PM.
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6:41 PMthought-provoking, mootable pv. just my thoughts, well anyways gl & be chipper is what i say
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